A different timeline.

God doesn’t work on the same timeline as we do. Our days are glimpses of a moment to Him. Our years of waiting are a few seconds to Him. Even though we “understand” this, the facts we should really cling to are that:

1. God’s best takes time and preparation

2. He desires that we wait for His best without settling

3. He loves us, incredibly

4. His plans are better than ours

Think about it, you probably have a few questions about the way the world works, things from the Bible, or even how your own body works. You live and breathe, but you don’t have a full comprehension of things. That’s okay! It’s because God is all knowing, not you.

Honestly? What a relief!!! I would not want to know everything.

That being said, God knows what’s best for you, so please be patient for His blessings.

❤️

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Another honest post.

Something that I’ve never understood. I’ve never been able to put in to words. I didn’t know how to explain.

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ANXIETY

Why do I have it? I have no clue. Genetics, maybe? I never understood why, in the dead of the night, I would be paralyzed for minutes which felt like hours. I was breathing, but I could never get enough air. I would fidget and stem but couldn’t control it enough to make it stop. My mind would have 1,000 thoughts at one time, overwhelming me and making me shake. Anxiety isn’t something you fake.

It has left me speechless. It has caused me to be frozen with fear. It has caused me to be completely irrational. BUT it hasn’t taken my life away from me.

While there are times where I’m held up in my room, because I can’t handle anything outside of what I can control, it hasn’t kept me from living. While I don’t go on adventures to Europe, or on spontaneous road trips, I have always been involved in some way.

I may have to push it aside and melt down by myself later in the day, but I’ve been able to “cope“. Thankfully, I’ve learned ways to place my anxiety in a box and deal with it later- most of the time it works.

It isn’t about being nervous before a big performance. For me, it’s a constant knot in my stomach and weight on my chest. My thoughts will never cease, going over the same scenarios repeatedly; that have happened, that haven’t happened yet, and the worst case scenarios. Placing thoughts in my mind about how people feel, how they perceive me, what I did that was annoying, or what I said that was probably taken the wrong way.

I am taking moments each day to journal how I feel, be present, be aware, and be mindful.

❤️

Please let me know if you have any tips or stories you’d like to share.

My goodness

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I love the country.

I am so incredibly thankful for the lifestyle I live, the freedom to do what I have longed for my entire life, and the privilege to work hard.

 

Today feels like…

The kind of day that I need to be real. Uninhibited. Unashamed. Unfiltered.

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I am suffering from mental illness.

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That being said, to the world, is a very scary thing because of the stigma that surrounds the term “mental illness”. How is it different than the disease that affects my body and deteriorates my muscles?

I have recently learned that I have depression… and other things.

(Stay tuned for more next week.)

I know I’m not alone in this, and I’m taking steps to help myself. I’ve opened up to loved ones about this, along with how I’m feeling day to day. I’m a very sensitive person and have been often told that is a flaw, that I shouldn’t be so emotional, and that I care too much.

You know what? I am pushing all the negative comments aside, and I am learning how to view these attributes as positives.

I am grateful that I care for people and have passions for things other than myself. That being said, however, there are also times that I don’t care about anything. My mind is filled with every negative thing (lies) that I have been told plus some. It’s really debilitating and has taken me to some really dark places, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I am venturing out with friends, and I am involved in more things for my fun-o-meter than I have been in a long time. My mind isn’t filled with obligations to make myself worthy or deserve things. I went so long thinking that I had to keep my head down and do what I was “supposed to do” in order to deserve to be happy. By who’s standards? I have no idea. I am shedding the skin of the insecure little girl and blossoming in to a confident woman who, honestly, doesn’t give a dang what you think.

Give me YOUR story in the comments below! Have you ever battled with a mental illness or depression?

 

Apostle Paul and Esther. How do they connect?

Okay so… Apostle Paul said this in Colossians 3:5-6

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.

I want to be like Paul. I want to put to death anything in me that breaks my Father’s heart, but here’s the kicker, that’s so much easier said than done. Right? How can we do something that’s so completely against our nature?!

Nature vs. Nurture… with a twist.

-Human nature is just an excuse for sinful actions. If you let “the flesh” i.e. human nature take over your life, you’ll be in a world full of hurt. Sure, super bad things may not happen to you, you may be successful and have a family, you may be able to travel the world as you please… but none of that and I mean NONE of that will fulfill you and make you happy.

-We must NURTURE our souls with God’s word in order to combat the sins of “human nature”.

 

You see, everyone deserves to be happy, but happiness has a different definition for everyone. For some people, it’s collecting coins. For others, it’s having their house full of family. Those are great things, but do they compare to a life with your heart knitted with Christ’s?! Absolutely not. Know why?

Because The Lord wants what’s best for you. Does that mean that He’ll give you everything you wish for? No, because not everything you wish for is in your best interest. He is the ultimate parent. He’s the perfect parent. He’s not going to give you things unless it’s the very best! You absolutely have to take your ideas of what’s best for you out of the equation, though. I mean, how well does a student driver vehicle really work when both the student and instructor are pushing on their gas pedal?

You must put to death everything in your mind, heart, body, and soul that will keep you selfish and keep you distant from the Lord. That’s the only way to have your desires match His and have you in full submission to His will for your life. I promise, it’s submission to the best things for you.

Okay, so now you’re scratching your head wondering… How in the world does Esther tie in to this? I have to be honest, this did not come to my mind. I read about it in a devotional this morning.

Esther was a Jewish woman who became queen. The Jewish people prayed for an audience with the king. Through her fasting (submission and focus on the Lord), she gained patience and confidence. She also learned of what God wanted her to do. If she had arrived in to the presence of the king without doing this, Esther may have gone in hot headed and been put to death.

By putting to death her selfishness and her impatience, by submitting to the Lord, He answered the Jewish people’s prayers and blessed them far above their desires; more abundantly so.

He will always blow you away, even if His answer is no. Submit to His will, because He will be honored and you will be blessed.

A day late and a dollar short.

I wasn’t able to make my Scripture Sunday video yesterday, so here’s a double whammy post!

Scripture Sunday is about 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. I see treating your body as a temple as more than remaining physically pure.

Music Monday is an interesting piano improv I recorded while I was at a family reunion this weekend. I wish I’d recorded what I played beforehand- it was less aggressive!

I wonder…

Are you like me and listen to the lyrics of the songs you listen to? Do you just bee bop down the road and don’t pay attention? Either way, please start listening closely to the lyrics you’re feeding your brain and your soul. These days, it’s really hard for me to listen to music. So many songs are about a guy being drunk and hoping this beautiful girl is drunk, so he can take her home. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 

I’m far from perfect, and I have no place to judge BUT I wouldn’t want to be the girl any of these guys are singing about. I want to be the girl a nice guy gets to know through dating and courtship, not a series of one night stands. That’s not God’s intention for relationships and intimacy, on any level.

Here’s a little more explanation…

Get a second opinion.

If the doctor tells you they don’t know, get a second opinion. I have a gluten allergy, and as far as I know, I’ve had symptoms of it since birth. However, I knew little about food allergies and their symptoms until I was in my teens. I blacked out a few times at age 12-13, was constantly hungry/dizzy beginning around age 4, and the doctor literally told me, “I don’t know. Eat more protein, I guess.” They checked my blood for hypoglycemia and anemia. They had no desire to continue tests. Recently, I relapsed and began eating gluten-filled things again. I literally slept for days. For about two weeks, I didn’t get up before 10am, but would go to sleep at 7:30-8:00 at night. All the while, feeling like there was sand in my eyes ALL… DAY… LONG. Not to mention the elevated body temperature, joint pains, “tummy issues”, migraines, irritability, and extreme hunger. Now I know why I spent much of my life devouring every food in front of me! My body was expending all of its energy combatting gluten, so it wouldn’t absorb proper nutrients- or the lining in my stomach was coated, so nutrition wasn’t absorbed. Either way, I was always hungry! Those cakes, cookies, and breads may be tempting, but they’re so not worth it. Thankfully, gluten free alternatives are as decadent as ever.