My goodness

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I love the country.

I am so incredibly thankful for the lifestyle I live, the freedom to do what I have longed for my entire life, and the privilege to work hard.

 

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I’m thankful

This week has been wonderful for me, physically. Not once have I seen spots or felt faint. I am so thankful for the ability to use technology to track my steps and use it as motovation. Callie and I have been going on walks, and she loves them, too!

Some days, I’m like, “what disease?” and it makes my heart swell! So many years I’ve spent hating my body and focused on what it couldn’t do.

Through conversations with loved ones and prayer, I’ve learned that I am a stronger person when I embrace my weaknesses, too.

Every element that makes us US should be embraced: strengths, weaknesses, past, and present.

Today feels like…

The kind of day that I need to be real. Uninhibited. Unashamed. Unfiltered.

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I am suffering from mental illness.

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That being said, to the world, is a very scary thing because of the stigma that surrounds the term “mental illness”. How is it different than the disease that affects my body and deteriorates my muscles?

I have recently learned that I have depression… and other things.

(Stay tuned for more next week.)

I know I’m not alone in this, and I’m taking steps to help myself. I’ve opened up to loved ones about this, along with how I’m feeling day to day. I’m a very sensitive person and have been often told that is a flaw, that I shouldn’t be so emotional, and that I care too much.

You know what? I am pushing all the negative comments aside, and I am learning how to view these attributes as positives.

I am grateful that I care for people and have passions for things other than myself. That being said, however, there are also times that I don’t care about anything. My mind is filled with every negative thing (lies) that I have been told plus some. It’s really debilitating and has taken me to some really dark places, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I am venturing out with friends, and I am involved in more things for my fun-o-meter than I have been in a long time. My mind isn’t filled with obligations to make myself worthy or deserve things. I went so long thinking that I had to keep my head down and do what I was “supposed to do” in order to deserve to be happy. By who’s standards? I have no idea. I am shedding the skin of the insecure little girl and blossoming in to a confident woman who, honestly, doesn’t give a dang what you think.

Give me YOUR story in the comments below! Have you ever battled with a mental illness or depression?

 

Worries…

You are commanded to lay them at His feet. Why? Because He is the one who can handle them, not you. You’re not strong enough, hun. You think you are, but you aren’t, and that’s the beauty of it all. Worrying only puts space between you and your creator. Do you really want to create an estranged relationship by doing so? It would be wise to talk it out with Him and ask Him to take your worries away. Be thankful for these worries; how small, how minute compared to the grand scheme of things. I am thankful for my little worries that He’s sure to take care of. He always provides, and I’m certainly thankful my worries don’t include where my next meal will come from. Our God is a good God, and He is capable.

 

Ladies and gents… let’s talk about gluten

It’s hard to resist the goodness of Olive Garden breadsticks, good stuffed crust pizza, cakes and cookies, etc… but when you have a food allergy, you HAVE to or else you’ll suffer the consequences.

every time I slip up, my symptoms are worse and worse.

here are some I’ve experienced so far:

 

– migraine

– stiff and achy joints

– low grade fever

– diarrhea

– vomiting

– cramps

– fatigue/ lethargy

– dizzy spells

– hypoglycemia

– excessive hunger

if you suspect you have a food allergy, even if your symptoms are few, please seek medical help. It’s not worth the damage to your digestive system. Have someone help keep you accountable, too.

Attention, Attention!

There are people out there in this world who love you SO much! They might not tell you as often as you’d like, they might be bad at showing it… they may be jerks, sometimes, but they love you. Be the first to say how you feel, that you appreciate them, too. Positivity is super contagious. We need more encouragement and support in this world.

Apostle Paul and Esther. How do they connect?

Okay so… Apostle Paul said this in Colossians 3:5-6

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.

I want to be like Paul. I want to put to death anything in me that breaks my Father’s heart, but here’s the kicker, that’s so much easier said than done. Right? How can we do something that’s so completely against our nature?!

Nature vs. Nurture… with a twist.

-Human nature is just an excuse for sinful actions. If you let “the flesh” i.e. human nature take over your life, you’ll be in a world full of hurt. Sure, super bad things may not happen to you, you may be successful and have a family, you may be able to travel the world as you please… but none of that and I mean NONE of that will fulfill you and make you happy.

-We must NURTURE our souls with God’s word in order to combat the sins of “human nature”.

 

You see, everyone deserves to be happy, but happiness has a different definition for everyone. For some people, it’s collecting coins. For others, it’s having their house full of family. Those are great things, but do they compare to a life with your heart knitted with Christ’s?! Absolutely not. Know why?

Because The Lord wants what’s best for you. Does that mean that He’ll give you everything you wish for? No, because not everything you wish for is in your best interest. He is the ultimate parent. He’s the perfect parent. He’s not going to give you things unless it’s the very best! You absolutely have to take your ideas of what’s best for you out of the equation, though. I mean, how well does a student driver vehicle really work when both the student and instructor are pushing on their gas pedal?

You must put to death everything in your mind, heart, body, and soul that will keep you selfish and keep you distant from the Lord. That’s the only way to have your desires match His and have you in full submission to His will for your life. I promise, it’s submission to the best things for you.

Okay, so now you’re scratching your head wondering… How in the world does Esther tie in to this? I have to be honest, this did not come to my mind. I read about it in a devotional this morning.

Esther was a Jewish woman who became queen. The Jewish people prayed for an audience with the king. Through her fasting (submission and focus on the Lord), she gained patience and confidence. She also learned of what God wanted her to do. If she had arrived in to the presence of the king without doing this, Esther may have gone in hot headed and been put to death.

By putting to death her selfishness and her impatience, by submitting to the Lord, He answered the Jewish people’s prayers and blessed them far above their desires; more abundantly so.

He will always blow you away, even if His answer is no. Submit to His will, because He will be honored and you will be blessed.

Wrangler Wednesday

This week’s Wrangler Wednesday has footage riding Kota. We’re still working on cues and learning each other. He’s super responsive but his time as a carousel pony has him stuck in some old habits. Teaching an old horse new tricks isn’t always easy.

A day late and a dollar short.

I wasn’t able to make my Scripture Sunday video yesterday, so here’s a double whammy post!

Scripture Sunday is about 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. I see treating your body as a temple as more than remaining physically pure.

Music Monday is an interesting piano improv I recorded while I was at a family reunion this weekend. I wish I’d recorded what I played beforehand- it was less aggressive!