The past…

I believe in this, wholeheartedly. It’s easier said than done, though, right? If you have a past that makes you wonder, “What was I thinking?” then you’re doing life right. If you look back to that same past and are repeating the same mistakes, then you need to re-evaluate what you’re doing. Lessons are learned by making mistakes and doing something different to change the outcome next time. I have a past. I have been so dumb, so lost, and so stubborn. Would I change it? Honestly, no. I wish I hadn’t been so emotionally vulnerable, but if I hadn’t been, I wouldn’t know where I stand today. I wouldn’t value myself the way I do now. I’d still be looking to the future full of dread, rather than, with hope. Thanks be to God for pulling me out of the darkest place of my life, dusting me off, and placing the pieces of my heart back together.

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Feeding time

Every time I feed, there’s a potential for danger, so I take my phone along with me. I’ve taken my DSLR once, but that didn’t end well. Carrying it, bucket of feed, and a walking stick while feeding and staying away from danger, wasn’t a good decision. The horses we have are wonderful, but they’re also unpredictable. It’s a shame that I can’t take my camera with me, because there are so many beautiful moments to capture. Here’s a few I’ve captured on my phone.

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Meet Kota.

I am happy to announce that I have a new addition to my fur family. He’s a 14 year old paint gelding. He’s super sweet, smart, and sound. He’s already let me halter him and get all the mud out of his hair! I’m so excited to get him healthy and start training.

My bubba, Jasper, isn’t very happy with things at the moment, but he’ll calm down in a couple of days. He is the pasture protector and needs to figure out what this new guy is all about.

New offer!

I appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you so much for your commitment and support. Many of you have used me, solely, for huge milestones in life. That is such an honor! 💕
I have a new offer for you all. A complementary 20 minute session!!! Here are the stakes: share my page link on your profile and have people like my page. They will also need to contact me, letting me know who referred them. The person who refers 5 people first will be given a confirmation of their reward! I am excited to begin this and hope you’re the lucky winner! This contest ends Wednesday, March 1st!

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Lord, we need You

 

At different times of my life, worship songs and scripture have meant different things. There was a time where I hated worship music. I just didn’t “get it”. This song came on my Pandora today, and it is just such a simple, raw message. We need You, Lord. We are weak, pitiful, and selfish. You make us strong. You make us worthy. You make us servants. Thank You. If worship and Christianity: believing Christ took our place, don’t resonate with you, or even annoys you, my heart aches for you. You are not happy. You are unfulfilled. I know that without knowing your story, because true joy is only achieved through Christ. You have a God shaped hole in you, and He’s the only way to fill it. There’s a lot about this life that doesn’t make sense. If you have questions, message me, or talk with a trusted friend. True followers of Christ won’t judge you. Christ is love… no one is perfect, and we have no place to judge. That is not our job.
If any of this tugs on your heart strings, try to talk to Him tonight. Even if it’s uncomfortable, or seems weird. He hears you, always. He is near to the broken hearted. He will never forsake you. He traded Heaven to have you. Please embrace that.💕

Surrender your weaknesses

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” This evoked a pretty obvious response from me. Weakness. What is my weakness? Well, it’s written all over me. It’s in the way I walk, in the way I talk, and it’s involved in my every day life. I try to put on a brave face and act like I haven’t let this disease define me, but behind closed doors I sometimes cry. I feel so selfish, because I can walk. I can do all these amazing things despite what doctors have said, but the looks still hurt. The remarks still hurt. Believe me, I can tell the difference between a curiosity and a condemnation. I have had so many people I cared for talk about me so negatively, and their words still echo to this day. Most days, I don’t remember them, but days like today, they’re loud and clear. I am thankful for the burning sensation in my thighs and shaky knees. I am thankful for the ability to do my hair, even if I have to prop my arm up on a wall. Believe me, I know how blessed I am. That doesn’t mean I still don’t have those days. Anyone out there could plug a weakness in to this and have the same emotions as me. Everyone is warring with themselves, trying to embrace something that makes them different; that others have said makes them less than. NOTHING in this world makes you less than, or unworthy. Christ said His grace is sufficient for you. For whatever reason, you may not be leading the life you dreamed of, but guess what? It’s not about you. It’s not even about this life. It’s about Christ, and the eternal life He has provided through His blood. Go ahead and cry it out. Punch something, if you need to, but please PLEASE know that you have a purpose, and you are beautiful. You have amazing strengths and talents to offer this world, but you also have weaknesses. Surrender those weaknesses to Christ and see the marvelous way He uses them for His glory. I am speaking this to myself, as well. If I let Satan lie to me about my weaknesses, instead of surrendering them to Christ, my war will never end.

The women’s conference

The Lord used the conference I attended with my sister-in-law to confirm so many things He has been speaking to me, recently.

– it is never too late to repent

– I am a child of God that messes up

– I’m not alone in my mistakes

– Christ’s blood has covered me and made me new

I gave my life to Christ when I was 9. Then again when I was about 11. I wasn’t sure if I did it correctly, because people would go on about how their life turned around and they were a new person, a new creation. Well, I didn’t feel different.

For years and years, in to my college days, I followed the rules, I followed the plan I had for my life. Then, graduation came. About a year later, I decided to go to grad school and obtain a teaching degree. I worked at a school the following year, teaching English. I was thrilled. Okay, great, this is where I’m supposed to be. This is in the bag. Then, God said that wasn’t where I was meant to be. I met someone, thought this was it! I’ve met a great guy… but God said he wasn’t His best for me. So, here I was, on my butt. Broken in more ways than one. It was the most difficult season of my life for so many reasons that I won’t get in to. I strayed from God. I still loved Him, but I talked to Him less, I didn’t go to church much. When I did, I felt like I didn’t deserve being there. I made so many mistakes that Christians aren’t supposed to make that I even questioned my salvation.

God gently spoke in my ear, but I questioned its authenticity. Was it really Him, or was it just me enabling the pity party to continue?

Then came the women’s conference and a woman named Marian Jordan Ellis. You guys, her testimony is amazing! God confirmed so many things and cast out all of my fears through the testimonies and real life events these ladies shared.

God said to me that I was redeemed. I was made new. I was free from the shackles that weighed me down. The lies of the enemy were going to no longer fool me, because the Lord had set me free!

I urge you, if you are feeling trapped inside of any circumstance to download the Redeemed Girl app and start listening. Let God speak to you through these messages. God has change my life, and I am so thankful that it’s never too late to turn to Him.

Know your worth. WAIT and PRAY for God’s best.

It’s a little bit scary to share personal situations, but I want to let you know you’re not alone. I am human, and for a while, I let my flesh control my life. I was so eager for love and attention that I let people treat me like I was less than, like I was an option, like I was anything but God’s favorite. That’s not okay. Christ has redeemed me and shown me, once again, who I am in Him. He has embraced me completely, and I understand His love for the first time in my life. For the majority of my life, I hadn’t done a lot of bad things or made mistakes. By the time I graduated college, I had completed my plans. In my head, it all went accordingly, and I finished things earlier than I had anticipated- BONUS! God knew I would need to fall flat on my face in order to surrender to Him. I fell and fell and fell and fell…

about six months ago, I was in the pit of despair, I was in deep depression, and I was believing every filthy lie that Satan threw at me. I hated myself. I hated myself for decisions I’d been making for years. Why, even though I grew up in church and I love God, did I make these decisions? I let my flesh take control. 

I can’t begin to put in to words the feeling of God picking up all my broken pieces and building a new creation. Was I going to be the way I was before? Absolutely not. I was going to be better, more fortified, more deeply rooted in the Spirit.

Praise Jesus for His redemption, and His love!