As I do most days, after feeding this afternoon, I took pictures with my mule. His name is Jasper. When I went back to look at these pictures on my phone, I thought, “He’s the only boy I need in my life.” Then, as they always do, an entire slew of thoughts came into my head. “No, you also need Denton. Wait… You also need his dad, your brother. Oh and your own dad. Your cousins are pretty cool, too.” I realized that, even though, I’ve been hurt time and again by friends and people I really cared about, I don’t need to make a habit of closing my heart off. I need to open it up to my family. I tend to keep to myself and not express my true emotions. I cry myself to sleep while Callie wonders what’s wrong. Bottling things up isn’t healthy. I’m a talkative person and I’ll have a great time with my family, but my true feelings only come out when I’m at my wit’s end. I’m so stressed in so many ways, but I’m trying to focus on what really matters. Leaving this world with a legacy of reflecting God’s love is what’s important. How am I going to do that locked up in my own little world, emotionally? I need to take every decision I’ve made to this point and use them. I need to open myself up, when I’m ready, to allow the Lord to enlighten others with what I’ve gone through. Today, I am deciding to be powerful and own the gifts I have, the choices I’ve learned from, the choices I’ve been blessed through, and to love despite the world telling me not to.
Also, here’s my adorable mule.