Jasper

As I do most days, after feeding this afternoon, I took pictures with my mule. His name is Jasper. When I went back to look at these pictures on my phone, I thought, “He’s the only boy I need in my life.” Then, as they always do, an entire slew of thoughts came into my head. “No, you also need Denton. Wait… You also need his dad, your brother. Oh and your own dad. Your cousins are pretty cool, too.” I realized that, even though, I’ve been hurt time and again by friends and people I really cared about, I don’t need to make a habit of closing my heart off. I need to open it up to my family. I tend to keep to myself and not express my true emotions. I cry myself to sleep while Callie wonders what’s wrong. Bottling things up isn’t healthy. I’m a talkative person and I’ll have a great time with my family, but my true feelings only come out when I’m at my wit’s end. I’m so stressed in so many ways, but I’m trying to focus on what really matters. Leaving this world with a legacy of reflecting God’s love is what’s important. How am I going to do that locked up in my own little world, emotionally? I need to take every decision I’ve made to this point and use them. I need to open myself up, when I’m ready, to allow the Lord to enlighten others with what I’ve gone through. Today, I am deciding to be powerful and own the gifts I have, the choices I’ve learned from, the choices I’ve been blessed through, and to love despite the world telling me not to.

Also, here’s my adorable mule.

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It’s difficult sometimes

To love the constant change in this world. Facebook formed as a way to keep up with old friends. At least, that’s how I used it. It’s very difficult to love it with all the hate and filth that is present. Disgusting fake profiles continue to pop up as “people you may know”. I know these people not, thank you very much! I continue to use it as a way to market my crafts, and try to spread love and hope in the process. Today, I posted this image. image
It is such a simple reminder that God hates sin, not the sinner. He loves us all despite of our short comings. He LOVES you ardently, so show yourself some love today. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are amazing, you are going to do great things, and there is no one else quite like you! 😊

My body hates me

This is a phrase that commonly leaves my mouth. It’s a weird way of excusing myself for my lack of physical ability. I’m constantly apologizing to others and yelling at my body inside my head. Why can’t it just cooperate with what my brain tells it to do? I was moving some fencing and one of my hip flexors screamed in agony. I immediately thought, “Oh great, another ache to endure today.” Just following that thought, however, I started to recite some blessings and things I’m thankful for. I’m thankful for the things I CAN do.

Things I can do:

  • walk without having to rest
  • get myself out of bed
  • carry heavy things. Picking them up is a different story.
  • Sing as loudly as possible
  • dance like a lunatic
  • give a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on
  • use a shovel
  • ride my mule
  • drive a car
  • praise the Lord
  • capture beautiful images
  • play music
  • spend time with my niece and nephew
  • enjoy a movie

notice that not all these things are physical. That’s because not everything we do that’s beneficial to ourselves, or others is based on physicality. We strive to look a certain way and find a mate that looks a certain way. We need to look inward at their heart. If they are selfish and ugly towards people, they’re ugly. That’s that. No matter how handsome or pretty they may be on the outside.

Siblings…

These two adorable kiddos are my niece and nephew. Gracie is 6 and Denton is 18 months. He’ll be two in May, and I cannot believe it! I remember the day he was born like it was last week! 🙂

Siblings fight and have competitive rivalries, pull each other’s hair, get on each other’s nerves but… not these two. From the moment Gracie found out she was having a little brother, she has completely embraced him. She is the most loving, generous, and helpful little girl. If Denton is getting in her space, or trying to get her toy she gently says, “No, Bubba. Go get your train.” or any other suggestion that comes to her mind. She allows him to play with her toys, as well, but a girl’s gotta glam up her Monster High dolls every now and then. I am so thankful for their bond, and I pray it continues.

This session was a quick one due to the muggy and cold day. We all set this bench on the edge of the pasture in hopes that the horses would join us. Unfortunately, they didn’t but the light was wonderful! The sun peeked through the clouds to my left. It was a great balance. The kids weren’t too happy about being outside and not able to play at that time, but we were able to capture some smiles and silliness. I stopped down to 2.0 and exposed evenly. In post, I simply increased the contrast by 5 and that was that! These kids don’t require very much touch up. 🙂 I may be biased…

Little man

I had so much fun this holiday break playing with this little guy. He’s becoming a little man and his personality is beginning to shine through. He has such a sweet, quiet voice and is very patient most of the time. However, when he’s mad there’s not much you can do but give him what he wants.

Remorse Poem

“There are pieces of me lying on the floor
I’m not sure who I am anymore
You see me for who I am
Not for what I am
broken and battered

Even though it is dark and gray around me now
You’re calling to me
Calling to me
Come, My child, I will redeem you
This battle you’re fighting has already been won
Don’t fret, My love, it’s already been done
Come now and you’ll have peace
Rest now ’cause you’re with Me

Off I go, on my own
Away from You and Your plan
I have one of my own
It’s better than Yours
I find happiness
I find joy
Some time later, it ends in a storm
No more love
No more smiles
No more lasting milestones
It’s ended
My joy is gone
My happiness is gone

I crawl back home
Back into Your arms
With regret
With sorrow
With remorse

Come, My child, I will redeem you
This battle you’re fighting has already been won
Don’t fret, My love, it’s already been done
Come now and you’ll have peace
Rest now ’cause you’re with Me

How is it that even though I hurt You
And hurt You
And hurt You
You want me back?
You love me despite
All the pain
All the selfishness
All the sin

How can I even begin to fathom?
I’m at a loss for words.
All I can do within this pitiful apology is cry
And cry
And cry…

I’m undeserving but
PLEASE, I beg
Hold me in your embrace
Cherish me
Speak to me and tell me it will be ok

Home again, I feel at peace”

– Danae Blessing

What do y’all think?