Gone wrong

I found some journal entries I actually kept. If you know me, well, you know that I hate keeping things. I love to write but hate reflecting on the past and letting it haunt me. These journal entries were directed toward someone I haven’t met yet. They were full of so much passion for the Lord and hopes for this guy that I still do not know. I want that back. I want my fire for God, my kind heart, my innocence back. I feel like I am cold hearted and have turned my back on my God who wants only the absolute best for me. What’s gone wrong?