Sometimes, it becomes difficult for me to write. I over think, over analyze, and feel like all of my ideas are awful. I spent the weekend taking care of my brother’s kids, and it gave me a sense of clarity. I was away from my usual environment and had different daily demands. I am so thankful for the time I spent with them, but it made me thankful for everything I have. I tend to be a realist leaning towards pessimism. I get in to ruts frequently, and wonder what else there is for me, what am I doing with my life? Things of that nature. Isn’t that ridiculous? I have a wonderful family, some physically living near, and so many don’t have those blessings. My attitude has changed drastically. I am thankful for what I have!
When you just have to say, “So be it. I am what and who I am. Take it or leave it.” For the first time in my life, I am living those words. I’ve always wanted to be a strong, self assured person, but my emotions always tied in to every single thing I did. I am still an extremely caring person and do my best to show appreciation to those around me. Sometimes, it will never be enough for people. Sometimes, you will break your back and it won’t be effort enough for that person. If that happens, remember this: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. If you did everything to show someone you cared, everything you could think of, then that’s all you CAN do. That person has issues of their own and are most likely very unhappy. I learned that people will not be happy with things that you do for them if they are not happy with themselves; if they don’t find joy in the Lord. I truly have and I am so thankful for every step that has lead me to this strength in God. Be sure of yourself and do what you feel is right. Then, there truly will be no regrets for you.
Today, I have a booth with my mom and I am selling my photos! Wish me luck.
I have a guy in my life. He’s small, he’s sweet, he loves to snuggle, and his mane is like a Mohawk. Jasper is my buddy! I haven’t been able to work him in a few days. I was planning to this morning, but here comes the rain…
it rained and rained and rained. My dad and I were completely soaked by the time we were done feeding. Fortunately, everyone’s okay and I got a sweet picture of my buddy and me this morning.
I choose to look to my Lord for guidance and purpose. There’s no answers in other people or the media when you ask, “What is my purpose?” They may be able to see some of your strengths and weaknesses. They may be able to steer you in the right direction, but only God can truly answer that. Our ultimate purpose is to bring others to Christ, but what gifts has He given you to help make that happen? Embrace them and use them. Please, do not sit in sorrow, comparing yourselves to others. There is no comparison! You are vastly different from those around you, because there is no one else quite like you. The Lord made you with a mission in mind, and you are the only being who can fulfill that specific purpose. Love yourself and let Him love you. I am so proud to say that I do.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the most recent photo of us together. This is one I took while I still could visit frequently and lived close. My Grani meant a lot to me, but not so much for the way she treated me. Don’t take that wrong, she was amazing. She loved me and I loved my time with her. It is the legacy she left engraved in my mother’s heart is what made me love her even more. I am named after her. Her name was Rubylu and my name is Danae Lu. I love that I am named after such a kind spirit with such strong determination. She was there for my mom in so many ways, that only she can explain in detail. She taught her so much about being a soft place for me to land, with a stern push forward. She was there for my mother during her difficulties bearing me. There’s so many things my mom could elaborate on that is not my place, but know that she was so much to my mom, and she affected my life by being such an influence to my mother. Grani, I love you, you know that. I’ll never forget your smile when I would visit and talk about my current events- whether you understood it all or not. I know I will see you again. Hug Jesus for me in the mean time.
As I do most days, after feeding this afternoon, I took pictures with my mule. His name is Jasper. When I went back to look at these pictures on my phone, I thought, “He’s the only boy I need in my life.” Then, as they always do, an entire slew of thoughts came into my head. “No, you also need Denton. Wait… You also need his dad, your brother. Oh and your own dad. Your cousins are pretty cool, too.” I realized that, even though, I’ve been hurt time and again by friends and people I really cared about, I don’t need to make a habit of closing my heart off. I need to open it up to my family. I tend to keep to myself and not express my true emotions. I cry myself to sleep while Callie wonders what’s wrong. Bottling things up isn’t healthy. I’m a talkative person and I’ll have a great time with my family, but my true feelings only come out when I’m at my wit’s end. I’m so stressed in so many ways, but I’m trying to focus on what really matters. Leaving this world with a legacy of reflecting God’s love is what’s important. How am I going to do that locked up in my own little world, emotionally? I need to take every decision I’ve made to this point and use them. I need to open myself up, when I’m ready, to allow the Lord to enlighten others with what I’ve gone through. Today, I am deciding to be powerful and own the gifts I have, the choices I’ve learned from, the choices I’ve been blessed through, and to love despite the world telling me not to.
Also, here’s my adorable mule.
To love the constant change in this world. Facebook formed as a way to keep up with old friends. At least, that’s how I used it. It’s very difficult to love it with all the hate and filth that is present. Disgusting fake profiles continue to pop up as “people you may know”. I know these people not, thank you very much! I continue to use it as a way to market my crafts, and try to spread love and hope in the process. Today, I posted this image.
It is such a simple reminder that God hates sin, not the sinner. He loves us all despite of our short comings. He LOVES you ardently, so show yourself some love today. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are amazing, you are going to do great things, and there is no one else quite like you! 😊
This is a phrase that commonly leaves my mouth. It’s a weird way of excusing myself for my lack of physical ability. I’m constantly apologizing to others and yelling at my body inside my head. Why can’t it just cooperate with what my brain tells it to do? I was moving some fencing and one of my hip flexors screamed in agony. I immediately thought, “Oh great, another ache to endure today.” Just following that thought, however, I started to recite some blessings and things I’m thankful for. I’m thankful for the things I CAN do.
Things I can do:
- walk without having to rest
- get myself out of bed
- carry heavy things. Picking them up is a different story.
- Sing as loudly as possible
- dance like a lunatic
- give a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on
- use a shovel
- ride my mule
- drive a car
- praise the Lord
- capture beautiful images
- play music
- spend time with my niece and nephew
- enjoy a movie
notice that not all these things are physical. That’s because not everything we do that’s beneficial to ourselves, or others is based on physicality. We strive to look a certain way and find a mate that looks a certain way. We need to look inward at their heart. If they are selfish and ugly towards people, they’re ugly. That’s that. No matter how handsome or pretty they may be on the outside.